day 30: my reflection in the mirror.

I don't like to look at myself in the mirror.
I use the mirror only to fix my hair.

I don't like to see myself.
Whenever I stand in front of a mirror, I see all of my imperfections.

People are always telling me how cute and pretty and skinny I am, but I find it really hard to believe.
Even if I did have good looks, does it matter?
Whenever I look into a mirror, I see how fucked up I really am.

I am perfectly imperfect.

But it's not about being perfect.
No one is perfect except God.

I don't see any beauty in myself, whether it's inner or outer beauty.

On the outside, I'm "pretty" to some people.
But every time they tell me how pretty I am, I always deny it.
Because on the inside, I'm ugly.

I'm beyond ugly.
If people could hear my thoughts, they would confine me to a mental hospital.
But even that won't help.
They'd probably just stone me to death out of anger, sadness, and pain.
Truthfully, on the inside, I hate everyone.
Everyone causes me pain.
Everyone makes me sad.
I hate everyone.

But I'm glad that God is here in my heart.
That prevents me from running around with guns and killing everyone I hate.
I mean, if I did that, there would be no one left on this earth.
Not even me.

I hate myself.
I abhor myself.
I wish I were different.
I wish I weren't so fucked up like this.

I don't want this.

I desperately want to change.
God, please don't let me be like this. I don't like it.
Please, Daddy.

day 29: the person i really want to tell everything to but too afraid to.

I feel like I should make a confession.
Honestly, I feel like I should tell everything to my best friends.
They have the right to know everything about me, how I'm feeling, and what I'm going through.

But I'm too scared to.
I really am.
I don't want them to hate me.
I don't want them to judge me.
I don't want them to think I'm insecure.
I don't want to lose them.

day 28: someone who changed my life.

God.
Yes, He did.
He changed my life.
He kept me alive even though I felt like my life was ending.
He brought me to this day.
He was always with me.
He was always there to support me and guide me.
And I love Him for that.

I'm who I am because of God.

day 27: the friendliest person i only knew for a day.

That's easy.
It's that one bboy whom I met at Kinyoubi Con. But I forgot his name, so I can't add him on Facebook.
He was really nice.

I want to meet him.

day 26: the last person i made a pinky promise to.

I don't remember. I have short-term memory loss.
More like, I don't really pay attention. LOL.

day 25: the person i know who is going through the worst of times.

Yes! I actually have someone to write about. :D

J.Nath.

I'm going to make him a cake on Monday. :D
Yeah. He needs it.

day 24: the person who gave me my favourite memory.

I don't have a favourite memory.

But I have the best friends in the entire world who give me good memories every day. ♥